for the first time...

Someone left this message near our front stoop this am - I concur.

For the first time in twelve years, as Mother’s Day is breaching the horizon, I am not feeling completely gutted.

It’s only Friday, but I’ll take this as a win.

Is it because my eldest daughter’s upcoming nuptials (in less than ONE month) have me wondering if JOY can be administered in an IV drip?

Or because my last bean howls in resistance as I cue the song, “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” AGAIN on the way to school? I explain when her child is about to get married, I will happily listen to ANY song that the duo will be dancing to together. Charlie begins to hum along.

Grief is weird. It makes no sense. And then it makes all the sense.

Grief has me crying on my yoga mat during prayer whispering, “I miss you mom,” and on the same GOD damn day, my heart BURSTS with pride as I witness the lives of my children…

I’m sorry, but weren’t we all just holding hands yesterday to cross the street safely?

My children…

One in Wisconsin with her architect partner. Her matching twin in Fullerton with her soon to be beautiful wife-teacher. One in Miami - the first of the five to become a cat owner! One in California, a sophomore in college (and if I’m super lucky, will see this weekend). The last bean is home. Thank God I love my husband and he loves me back because in the blink of an eye, we’ll be the last ones standing.

I have my dress for the wedding hanging in the closet, shapewear has been ordered, and shoes are arriving soon. We all know I’ll be kicking those off to go barefoot on the dancefloor, but for pictures, I’ll act civilized.

What I’m really trying to say is…

if this thing called Mother’s Day has you feeling lots of things, me too.

I love you. Remember to hydrate : Prosecco or water - both have healing properties.

I’m visiting my Abby right now. And yes, I am the weirdo who takes pictures of her kids from the back.