12
it's a grief - joy tsunami sandwich
March 26, 2014
Twelve years later, I feel the stir. Rooted and sleeping in my gut from last spring. And the one before that. And the ten before that. The relentless reminder.
I am a motherless daughter.
Did you know that Foxy is the one who introduced me to Tom?
How my not-yet-husband ordered a sandwich at my folks Butcher Shoppe and Deli, and for some inexplicable reason, Mama decided to say to a perfect stranger, “I like you. Come back tomorrow and meet my daughter.”
Who does that?
Lucky for me, Mama had a good picker. Because as a 23-year-old recent college graduate with a teaching credential, I was completely mortified that my mom was playing matchmaker.
But here’s the thing… moms know things.
Apparently, so do future husbands if they’re paying attention. If you ever saddle up next to my Tom, he will tell you how of the Mystery he encountered that day. How he saw the Holy Spirit moving quite literally through my mom.
Most people would have just seen the ordinary: Foxy standing in front of the cash register taking a sandwich order (trying to pawn off her last kid), while a hungry dude wanted nothing more than to inhale the Willow Glen Special.
Not Tom. Not Foxy. Neither is ordinary.
My mom was 55 on my wedding day. On Abby’s wedding day in just a few months, I will be one day shy of 54. As this celebratory milestone approaches, so does the ache filling my gut like cement.
I wonder…
Will I look at my daughter on her wedding day with the same awestruck wonder as my mama beheld me?
Will I sit with one of our elderly family members during the reception whose mobility isn’t just quite what it used to be?
Will I stay until the DJ plays the last song?
What a strange thing. Watching my daughter, choose her forever person to begin her new life with someone who loves her just as much as I do. With someone as much as my mom loved me. I welcome the grief-joy like a well worn blanket.
I am a motherless daughter.
On June 4th, Tom and I will bookend our Abby walking her towards her wife…her forever life.
And my Mama will be walking lock step right beside me. How could she not?
Look at that smile.
I ALSO get to DANCE a SONG with my ABBY! I have made my selection…
If I am being honest, every single time I listen to it, I start to cry. This is a mama’s heart.
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, huh, Foxy?
💜Fun Fact: John Roedel and I are hosting an in person Heart Write Soul Retreat in Santa Fe, New Mexico April 16-18 with an optional add on day to Ghost Ranch. There is ONE SPOT OPEN. Is it yours?
💜It’s banana pants out there. Stay connected sister. Learn more about our Village Well Community HERE.
I'm so sorry you're missing your mama. There will be SO MUCH LOVE on Abby's big day... ❤️