This post is dedicated to anyone who has ever struggled with any type of behavior, addiction, or condition that leaves you feeling like not your best self. Eating, drinking, drugs, gambling, porn, shopping, all of it.
I want you to know: you’re not alone. I love you.
me walking the labyrinth at San Damiano - when you’re spinning, I highly recommend this behavior - photo by Marni Rae
Sometimes it takes everything inside of me to remain committed. I consider myself a fairly responsible gal. I move some, I pray when I remember, I write all the time.
But see, I have this struggle. Well, not just one, but the one I’m referring to has held me captive for a long while now. I can for the most part stave off any one thing attempting to sink its claws into me. But not this thing. I believe this thing will play freeze tag with me quite possibly until I take my last breath.
For four nights now, I have been able to keep the monster at bay. I understand it’s a depressant and yet, I turn to it to knock me the fuck out at the end of each day. And here I am telling you this. Here I am with an unopened bottle in my kitchen not tempting me. Well, that’s a half truth: it did last night. But I grabbed my book like Linus grabbed his security blanket and headed to bed.
I wonder if I will ever be one of those people who says, “No, thank you. None for me. The pros far outweigh the cons.” Or will I continue to dance around the boxing ring with this lie that falsely promises to take the edge off, only to make me hate myself in the morning.
I realize this habit has created a neural pathway the width of the Grand Canyon and I am basically rerouting my brain. Is this why most creatives are either raging alcoholics, sober or in recovery? Anne Lamott speaks openly about her journey with addiction. And I’m over here applauding screaming, “THANK YOU! Thank you for being human. Thank you for paving the way without judgment.” Keep talking Anne. We’re listening.
Four mornings of waking with a renewed sense of vitality: I think I’ll celebrate that. Mind, be calm. Heart, unclench. Palms, open. Spirit, brave. Align and discover true liberation.
You’re doing it.
I love you,
Love,
Me
💜JUST ADDED: In Person Soul Sauce Writing in San Jose, California in Michelle’s backyard sanctuary this summer. 3 different invitations. Learn more HERE.
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Join us for 6 Wednesdays from 12-1:30 pm PT : June 5, 12, 19 and July 3, 10, 17. Discounted pricing for early registrants for a limited time.
💜You can find out more about our community that embraces everyone exactly as they are at www.myvillagewell.com